The Misery of Marriage and Confetti
by IlluminatedM
Summary: If there's one thing Hermione hated more than her ex-husband, it was confetti; that blasted confetti! But sometimes keeping up appearances is more important than having a clean carpet, and Hermione must find creative ways to keep herself afloat through the night. [One Shot. Written for the Twin Exchange February Challenge 2014]


**A/N: This fic was written as an entry for the Twin Exchange's February Fic Challenge. I warn you now that, firstly, Bill is one of my favorite characters in the HP fandom, and secondly that you would not know by reading this fic. **

**Enjoy! **

**-M**

If there was one thing that Hermione Granger hated more than her ex-husband, it was the confetti he ended up leaving her covered in every time he threw another one of his stupid parties. It stuck in her hair, polluted the food, and could be found on random patches of carpet for weeks afterwards, despite the numerous times she'd vacuumed or spellcast in an attempt to tidy up afterwards. You would think that at thirty five the man would have gotten over his stupid party throwing; somehow, in their five years of marriage, she had held onto that hope, despite the fact that she was disappointed at least three times a year.

So, why was she even here? To keep up appearances, of course. God forbid the world know that Hermione Granger, Muggleborn heroine of the wizarding world, couldn't even maintain a successful marriage. God forbid Molly Weasley have to admit that she had not, despite her constant assessment of their relationship, raised the perfect, loving husband. There was nothing that she could do but sit there and hope she looked like the doting wife that the world expected her to be.

Even now, the Prophet was speculating about their marriage, despite the fact that she still came home to him every night – and they would certainly know – because they had seen her out and about with a few Squibs. It didn't help that they posted reporters outside their front floor at least three nights a week. Even Witch Weekly had done an article or two about whether or not all was well in their little paradise marriage, considering how late she came home at night and his penchant for dismissing himself at one or two in the morning.

Thank god for Ministry silence vows, or the whole bloody world would know what a "wretched excuse for a bloody wife" she was. Somehow, that was the one thing he'd said to the Divorce Wizard that still got under her skin. What did he expect her to do? Spend her life tripling the number of Weasleys in the world? Surely he knew better when they took their vows.

With her mind on that particular train of thought, Hermione came to the realization that just because she had to be _here_ didn't mean she had to be _sober_. Casually, she slipped past Molly and into the liquor cabinet where Bill kept his favorite FireWhiskey. Not only did she get to drink, but she could piss Bill off too? Oh, this was just too good of an opportunity to pass up. Now, if she could just slip up the stairs and finish it off before the family knew that she was gone…

"Hermione, join me in the kitchen? And do bring that with you." Severus said quietly, his face carefully schooled into a stone cold expression.

Well, so much for that thought.

Silently, she nodded and followed him into the kitchen, hoping that this conversation could be something other than what it always was with Severus. As usual, he gave her a small kiss atop her head before reaching above her to pull down two glasses for them. Severus never really was one to submit to her alcoholic tendency of taking a swig straight from the bottle; Hermione didn't particularly care, however, and she happily started before he had even set down her glass, still not bothering to set the bottle down once he'd handed her a glass to pour into.

"So," he began with a smile that he reserved especially for her, "why aren't you hiding in my sitting room like you did last time he threw a party?"

She chuckled at the thought; oh, how she loathed _his_ birthday. She'd hidden in Severus's sitting room with a book on her lap and at least two bottles of wine by her side for the entire night while he, being him, brewed in his lab. It had been a nice escape, and she'd always leapt at the chance to get her hands on one of Severus's books. Getting away from the house was simply another benefit, but she'd stay at home every night if it meant she could have unlimited access to Severus's library.

"Because I'm enjoying my time with my husband while we ring in the New Year together?" She asked, annoyed with herself for allowing it to come out as a question.

Severus gave her that knowing look that he'd always had before replying, "And why not, as you so put it, "ring in the new year" with Seamus?"

Exasperated and frustrated that Severus had decided to take the same route he had been talking down for months, Hermione responded, "Seamus and I have ceased contact, as you well know."

"And what of that Muggle boy from your hometown?" he continued, slowly nudging towards his actual point.

Hermione, wishing he'd simply get on with it, relied, "He's married now."

She knew what was coming afterwards; it always did, and it still infuriated her to absolutely no end that he consistently felt the need to remind her.

"So are you."

"Happily divorced, thank you very kindly." She huffed indignantly.

Severus had always felt the need to remind her that, legally, she had no obligations to this man. He'd never understood what she meant when she explained her _social_ obligations. Well, he either didn't grasp it or he didn't care. She could bet on the second one without a doubt.

He nodded and allowed her to think for a moment before finally getting to the point, "Why not Draco?"

Ahh, yes, that was one particular affair that she could admit she wasn't proud of, but he was discrete and uninvolved in their lives; he was exactly what Hermione had needed at the time, and damn was he good at giving her what she needed. The problem was that it wasn't just a torrid, meaningless little affair; she had wanted him, not just sex with him. That was why she'd cut her ties in the first place; Draco didn't deserve the pain that came with being with her _before_ the war, and especially not now, not after everything that he'd been through.

"Draco is engaged in his own slew of dramatic events. He hardly needs to add mine to the mix." She relied, her tone making it clear that this was not a welcomed discussion.

The smile falling from his face, Severus questioned, "Your words, or his?"

"Mine. He simply told me to let him know when I was no longer 'publically married'." She sighed, remembering how frustrated and hurt Draco had been when she refused his offer the previous week.

"And have you thought about when exactly that might be?" He asked, his tone softer than usual.

She shook her head in response, unsure of if she'd ever be willing to break ties with the entire Weasley family. They'd been all she'd known since she was eleven years old, and while she found her marriage to be draining, she couldn't let go of the fact that she married the _family _when she married the man; separating from him meant separating from them in addition to the overwhelming amount of criticism from the public, and she just wasn't sure that she'd ever be able to handle that.

"Hermione," he sighed, "I want to see you happy."

In response to his concern, she rested a hand on his arm and gave him a small, understanding smile. He had, after she was no longer his Healer, and he'd fully recovered from the incident at the Shrieking Shack, become her best friend, and she knew that he'd give anything to see her genuinely happy for once. It was, after all, the reason that he'd been the one to give her away on her wedding day.

"Sometimes I am happy, Severus."

He, disbelievingly, crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at her as he took on the glare she remembered from her Hogwarts days.

"And when is that?" He challenged, "When he's gone off with his own sordid display of affairs? When he's working late into the nights? When he becomes so frustrated with you that he storms away and stay with the Potters?"

Those were all lovely examples of when Hermione was happy with Bill, but it wasn't quite the entirety of it. She wanted out of this conversation, and she wanted to soothe Severus's mind, so she conjured up a lovely plan of accomplishing both.

"No, I'm very happy during moments like this."

He raised an eyebrow at her, obviously confused by what could be so incredibly special about this particular moment. In response, she happily gave a flick of her wand directed at the living room. She let out a small giggle and gestured for him to go take a look, which he did simply out of the knowledge that she'd make him see for himself. Severus bent his neck around the corner and watched as the unending rain of confetti turned black and began to stick to the skin of the party-going patrons. Severus quickly pulled himself back into the kitchen and sent Hermione one of his best Potions Master glares, and she shrugged.

"My wand has a mind of its own?" She suggested, hoping he wouldn't point out how much it pleased her to ruin her Bill's night. Instead, he threw his head back and laughed, knowing fully well that everyone in the living room would assume that he was responsible for the destruction of the atrocious party decorations and not caring in the slightest.

She loved seeing Severus laugh, and it was rather comforting to know that he hated Bill, and Bill's wretched confetti, almost as much as she did.


End file.
